Sunday, June 1, 2014

Of Butts And Things

I've finally noticed them. Muscles in my legs. It only took two weeks of constantly walking up and down hills and stairs for them to arrive. I think that's a testament to the steepness of the hills here. Granted, the muscles are small and my legs are still practically toothpicks, but the muscles are definitely there. I caught sight of them while getting out of the shower a couple days ago and I noticed one of my legs was lumpier than usual. Of course, I immediately assumed it was a tumor, until I realized I could flex it and there was an identical one on my other leg. And my skinny jeans are finally starting to fit like actual skinny jeans. (My legs are normally so thin that even the tightest of jeans are a little baggy on my legs.)

A couple other times in my life I've had freakishly powerful leg muscles compared to the rest of my twiggy body. One time was when I played tennis from about 10th grade to my first or second year of college. I did pilates at the same time and, dayum, my legs were fine.

Then when I lived in Philly for those two years, I refused to take the elevator to any floor ten stories or lower. And, of course, one semester every single one of my classes was on the tenth floor. After a whole semester of constantly going up and down stairs, I was really putting the "ass" in "going to class." In fact, that might've been the only time in my entire life I've actually had an ass.

Since then, my leg muscles have been atrophying in Arkansas. But my ass might be making a comeback if I stay here. Pretty soon I'll be putting the "can" in "San Francisco." (After writing that sentence it occurred to me that "can" is nowhere in "San Francisco." Also, "can" probably refers more to boobs rather than ass. But it's late and I'm too tired to work out another pun.)

Now that I'm thinking about butts (as if I ever stopped thinking about them), I've noticed that most people here have really nice ones. (You should probably start reading this in Tina's voice from Bob's Burgers.) It must be all the hills. And I just wanna give those hills a nice little squeeze and slap. Am I talking about the actual hills now or butts again? Who can even be sure?

Today, I missed a friend's wedding back in Arkansas. We've been friends since we were two or three. It says a lot that, as much as I generally dislike weddings, I really wish I could've gone and witnessed her happy day. Also, my dad performed the ceremony and my BFF was a bridesmaid. So many of my favorite people together without me.
(*´ะด`)=3

But San Francisco is starting to feel homier. Here's a list of reasons why I think that is:

  • I put some photos on my desk at work
  • I did laundry here for the first time
  • I've had to fill a prescription here
  • The lady at the grocery store remembers me as a regular

Now if only I could make some friends. Making friends as an adult is so damn difficult. I also have to find a new place to live in a couple weeks. But I'm not even gonna get started on that headache right now.

-joe